Why so Much Negative Talk? Go Positive!

April 8th, 2010

Recently, when I’ve been listening with my “unconditional love ears”, I’ve noticed that the casual conversations of many people are based around the speakers expressing negativity about the people they are talking about. You, too, have probably been in conversations where you’ve heard degrading statements like, “Gary has no idea of what the hell he is doing”, or “Susie doesn’t seem to be playing with a full deck”, or “Their entire family is all screwed up”.

Now we all are entitled to our opinions, but I’m wondering why a bad mouthing of someone (who usually is not present) seems to be the thread or theme in so many conversations. Even if we’re angry or disappointed with someone, what do we get (personally) out of perpetuating negativity by persuading a neutral third party to adopt our negativity? There’s no gain here for anyone as we spread ill-will. Often it seems to me that the topics or contents of many conversations are driven by people’s egos seeking to feel “right” by convincing another person that someone else was wrong or stupid. It’s a lose/lose way of trying to build our self-image. It could be that the speaker has little else to talk about, so he chooses to bash someone just for the sake of being able to have a conversation.

So I suggest that, if you want to make a positive contribution to humanity (and your relationships), you exercise some mindfulness by monitoring your conversations for unnecessary and/or destructive bad mouthing of other people.

As you are about to verbally bash someone, grow your awareness by asking yourself a few questions before you speak:

Do I need or want to perpetuate bad feelings about other people?

What is my goal in trying to convince other people about someone else’s badness?

Why do I feel better if I make someone else look worse?

Can I simply choose to step back and not participate when the conversations of others come around to bashing?

Are there enough positive things going on in my life that I can focus instead on them for conversation topics?

I think you”ll find that your experience of life will be enriched (and your company will be more pleasant for others) when your conversations are focused on positive issues. My discussion of The Three Hurdles to Unconditional Love at my website can strengthen your commitment to sharing positive constructive energy instead of destructive negativity.